Hostage Situation
by OliviaGraham
Summary: After being thwarted by Perry, Doofenshmirtz gets the idea of using hostages to sway the odds in his favour. The question is, who could he possibly choose? And how will Perry react to these hostages?
1. Chapter 1

**Olivia: Phineas and Ferb... what can I say?**

**Desirae: You want to ruin yet another perfectly good series with your sucky writing?**

**Olivia: ... **

**Desirae: Or you don't own it?**

**Olivia: ... I don't own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Desirae: Enjoy!**

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><p>"Ah, Perry the Platypus, you've managed to sneak into my building undetected and disassembled the obvious trap I set for you. I'm impressed. And by impressed, I mean COMPLETELY PRESSED!" Suddenly, a giant, clear, bottomless shaker fell down and trapped Perry where he stood. Dr. Doofenshmirtz laughed and walked up to his nemesis.<p>

"I got you! The wrought iron cage that was going to drop down was just a decoy. I planned on using this spice shaker the whole time. Look, it even has a cute little label on in. Paperryka! You know, like Paprika, but you're Perry. Hence… Paperryka. You know, it made much more sense to me when I was cooking last night." Perry rolled his eyes and Doofenshmirtz put his hands on his hips.

"You know, I don't appreciate the attitude, Perry the Platypus. Puns are underappreciated these days. Even by the people who make them. But we can't dwell on that now. It's time to explain my evil scheme. You see, when I was a young boy back in Gimmelshtump, I worked as a lawn gnome. You know that story so I won't get into it again. Though it's weird how a lot of my back stories relate back to me being a lawn gnome." Doofenshmirtz paused to think for a second before shrugging and continuing on with his story.

"Anyway, because I was forced to stand there and not move, I had a lot of time to think. I came up with stories of great tragedy, romance, and comedy. They were perfect. They were epic tales of daring and disaster! But I could not think of a way to word them for the public. I wasn't very good at writing at the time. So, I told my ideas to my neighbour, Kenny. Well as it turned out, he was a good writer, so he wrote out my ideas and they became the most popular books in all of Druelselstein.

"But, when it came time to announce who was responsible for these books, Kenny took all the credit! I was left with nothing. Since then, I vowed to destroy the series! But by then it was a global phenomenon, and it was impossible. Until now. Behold, Perry the Platypus! The Wipe-Your-Fictional-Book-Franchise-Off-The-Face-Of-The-Planet-Inator!" Doofenshmirtz pulled a tarp off a large metal contraption that appeared to have a crown of lasers around the top, all sticking out at a forty-five degree angle.

"Or the Literature-Destruct-Inator, I can't decide which one. It'll take the most popular book series right at this moment and erase it from the entire Tri-State Area! I suppose your wondering why I'm not getting rid of it world wide. It's because the range on this –inator isn't the best. But, as long as the books are out of the Tri-State Area I'll be happy. That way when I walk by the bookstore I won't see it staring out of the best seller rack in the window, mocking me. And to make sure it works immediately, I have a copy of all forty-seven books from the series. I know it's counter productive if I bought the books I'm trying to get rid of, but I didn't exactly, think it through."

Perry turned his head to see a bookcase close by the door with all the books stacked neatly away. He looked back to Doofenshmirtz and knew it was time to make his move. Doofenshmirtz reached the machine and was about to press the button when a kick from Perry knocked him over.

"Ouch! Perry the Platypus, how did you escape?" Perry pointed back to the trap he had gotten out of to show it was tipped over on its side. Doofenshmirtz gasped, "You pushed it over? Hmm… maybe I would have been better off with the wrought iron cage." Perry punched Doofenshmirtz across the room and headed to destroy the –inator when a shoe flew over his head and pressed the button. The lasers were all activated and beams of light spread over the entire Tri-State Area. Doofenshmirtz laughed and Perry turned around to face him. By now, Doofenshmirtz was back on his feet

"YES! You're too late, Perry the Platypus. I won this time!" Perry leapt to smack Doofenshmirtz with his tail. He may have pressed the button, but he wasn't going to win. He was in mid leap when Vanessa walked into the room.

"Hey, Dad, you need to drive me h-" She stopped when she saw Perry he felt her concern. At his momentum, if he hit Doofenshmirtz, there would be a domino effect and they would all topple onto Vanessa, potentially causing her some serious harm. Instead of hitting his nemesis, he grabbed onto the side of his head and propelled himself up onto the bookcase.

Not even a second passed before he used his legs to push the case on top of Doofenshmirtz, thereby causing all forty-seven books to come crashing down on top of him. Vanessa stood about a foot from the bookcase, completely unharmed, while her father was both outraged and confused as he gazed at the books around him.

"Wait, what? These were supposed to be destroyed! CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" Perry smirked and tipped his hat before using his hang glider to make his standard exit.

OOOOOOO

"MOM! MOM! MOM! See! I told you Phineas and Ferb wrote a best selling novel! I told you!" Linda simply stared as her daughter pointed to an empty display case in the bookstore. She sighed, _just like every other day_.

"Candace, do I even need to say nothing is there." Candace seemed confused, then turned to the empty case and screamed at the top of her lungs. "What? No! Even if it was the most popular book in Danville, how does it just disappear in a matter of one second?" Just then, Phineas and Ferb walked up to the two women. Phineas was smiling as always, but seemed a little confused himself.

"Hey, Mom. Did you see our book? It seems to have disappeared." Linda smiled at her son and stepson and shook her head, "No, hun, but tell you what. I'll get you a new one, then we can go home for some snacks." Phineas' confusion disappeared and he motioned enthusiastically to his stepbrother.

"Come on, Ferb! Let's go pick something out!" After the two boys ran off to the engineering section, Linda turned back to her daughter, "Candace, honey, would you like a book too?" Candace snorted.

"A book… to like read? I think I'll pass. I've had enough books for one day. Oh there you are, Perry." The platypus, who just wandered in with his trademark, unfocused eyes, chattered. Candace rolled her eyes and stalked off.

"Ugh, why couldn't my brothers get a normal pet, like a Chihuahua or a bunny or something that could fit in my purse. At least they could have gotten an interesting pet." Perry smirked inwardly at her statement. If only they knew…

OOOOOOO

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated_

"Ouch, Vanessa, easy with the antiseptic!" The sixteen year old rolled her eyes, but didn't ease up, "Dad, it's your own fault." Doofenshmirtz turned to his daughter incredulously.

"Vanessa, how can you say that? I didn't knock over the bookcase. Perry the Platypus did! Though I'm still not sure how he thwarted me." Vanessa shook her head. The answer was obvious.

"He only knocked it over on you because you're evil! He would have slapped you with his tail if I hadn't been in the path of danger." At that, Doofenshmirtz perked up. How could have not seen this before?

"You're right, Vanessa! He couldn't hurt an innocent bystander, so he had to stop his attack… well, before he figured out another way. But, what if I had an innocent to use as a shield to ward off his attacks. He's the good guy, he can't do something that would hurt someone who wasn't evil, or allow them to come to harm. He would be powerless against me!" Vanessa snorted in derision.

"You mean like a hostage situation?" Doofenshmirtz was taken aback, "That's what that is? I always thought that was some kind of food. You know, like sausages." Vanessa raised an eyebrow.

"You're joking, right?" Doofenshmirtz looked a little uncomfortable when he answered, "Yes… joking. Ahem, anyway, now all I need to do now is find myself an innocent, or a 'hostage' as the kids call it." Vanessa crossed her arms.

"Count me out."

"I can't use you. You're my daughter. Perry knows I would never hurt you. Besides, if you're going to be in the family business, we can't get him used to seeing you as an innocent, now can we?" Vanessa stood and stomped her foot.

"I'm not evil!"

"Give it time, Vanessa, give it time."

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><p><strong>Olivia: Hope you liked the first chapter :)<strong>

**Desirae: Please review and stuff. She needs the ideas.**

**Olivia: Do not.**

**Desirae: ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Desirae: O.O Whoa.**

**Olivia: Whose the sucky writer now, Des? ;)**

**Desirae: Still you.**

**Olivia: But the reviews- **

**Desirae: Just thank the patronizing people and do the disclaimer already. **

**Olivia: Thank you **thewolfstar, Courtney, Ru Tsuna, PhoenixWormwood137, NattyMc, jakeroo123, LucyRockyMickaylaMo, **and **Radar180** for the reviews! I loved them all so much! Also, I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Desirae: On with the story.**

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><p>"Hey, Phineas!" Isabella chirped as she stepped into the boys' backyard, "Whatcha doin'?" Phineas looked up from the oversized, double eyepiece lens microscope to smile at his friend while Ferb continued to stare at whatever was under observation while simultaneously typing on his laptop.<p>

"Oh, hi Isabella. Ferb and I were just making microsopic version of the Milky Way galaxy." Isabella smiled and her heart fluttered in her chest as it always did when the eccentric, yet oblivious, red head spoke to her. She could stare at him all day. But really, who just stares at people for hours on end? It's kind of creepy. Besides, this new project had her curious.

"How's it going so far?" she asked, leaning in to catch a peek, only to see nothing but a tiny cluster of dull sparkles. Phineas sighed, "Not too well. We can't seem to get the right number of stars. We're either a few million over or under the amount we need. Ferb's just recalibrating the issues now. It shouldn't take any more than thirty seconds."

As soon as he said this, there was an explosion of light from behind them and the two turned to see a dazed looking Ferb and a now brightly shining, perfect scale model of their galaxy. Ferb blinked, trying to see through the white spots brought on by the sudden light, but to no avail.

He couldn't see a thing, which is why it came as a little bit more than a shock to him when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. With a gasp he jumped and bumped his head against the microscope. Phineas fought back a snicker at his brother's disorientation.

"Oops, sorry Ferb. I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?" Ferb blinked a few more times before speaking for the first time that day, "I think I got the right algorithm." This would have been a satisfactory answer if he hadn't said it to the spot two feet from Phineas.

"Maybe you should just sit under the tree until your vision comes back, okay?" Ferb nodded and started walking toward the shade of the tree, only to walk straight into it moments later. Phineas peered through the eyepiece Ferb had been using and was immediately impressed.

"WHOA! You really outdid yourself this time, Ferb. Isabella, check this out!" Isabella walked right over and looked in through the side Phineas had been using originally. What she saw amazed her. The tiny stars glittered and sparkled like diamonds. It was so beautiful.

"Wow, this is really pretty! What are you going to do with it now?" Phineas paused a moment, "Huh. You know, we didn't think to much about that. Our projects usually disappear once we're done with them. Hey, if this one doesn't vanish, do you want it?" Isabella lit up with glee.

"You want to give me the galaxy?" Phineas shrugged, "Sure, why not? You like it, I have no use for it and Ferb was practically blinded by it so he won't want it either." Ferb gave a thumbs-up, in the right direction this time, though his vision was still a little blurred. Isabella smiled more.

"So, you're not just giving me the world or lassoing the moon, you're giving me the entire galaxy?" Phineas nodded, "Yea. And that's a great idea! Hey, Ferb! I know what we're gonna do tomorrow! We'll need a lot of rope though. Oh, I almost forgot."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out two small, hallow glass half-spheres and locked them together around the glittering mass, "Here, this way you can carry it in your hands. If you attach a chain, it could be a necklace." Isabella took the galaxy and held it close to her heart.

"Oh Phineas…"

"Hey, wait a minute," Phineas looked around, distracted, "Where's Perry?"

OOOOOOO

Perry snuck around the house and, when he was sure no one was looking, focused his eyes and leapt onto two feet, putting on his fedora in the process. He opened a secret door in the side of the house and stepped into the elevator. Within seconds, he was in his lair facing a large screen, which contained the image of Major Monogram.

"Ah, Agent P. I'll get straight to the point. Doofenshmirtz has been spotted drinking coffee at a local cafe. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. After all, who doesn't enjoy a nice warm beverage every now and then? But he's been there all day and he's been staring at random passers by. It's getting weird. Seriously, who just stares at people for hours on end? It's kind of creepy. So get to it, find out what he's up to and put a stop to it." Perry saluted and ran off to complete his mission.

After he left, Carl's voice emanated from somewhere off camera, "Sir, do I get any lines in this fiction?"

"Darn it, Carl, I already told you not to break the fourth wall!"

OOOOOOO

"You know it's weird," Phineas said, putting his hands on his hips, "Perry disappears every day, and yet no one knows where he goes." Isabella nodded in agreement.

"What's weirder is that you guys haven't tried to figure it out." Phineas snapped his fingers and beamed, "Yea, we never bother to follow him to find out. You know, there's still time today. We finished with the galaxy earlier than expected. Why don't we track Perry to see where he runs off to during the day?" Isabella smiled enthusiastically.

"Yea, that sounds like fun! But how can we do that? He's already run off." Phineas crossed his arms across his chest and closed his eyes, "Don't worry, I have it all figured out." He opened his eyes and looked to his stepbrother, "Ferb, I know what else we're gonna do today."

"PHINEAS!"

The trio turned to see Candace storming toward them with determination set and evident in her eyes. Phineas smiled and waved at his older sister, "Hey, Candace! Is your date with Jeremy over already?"

"Actually, I just came back to get my roller skates. We're going for a skate around the- wait, don't try and distract me! What are you doing with that microscope?" The three children turned around to face the microscope before turning back, Phineas answering for the group.

"Oh that? We've already finished with that project. Now we're going to find out where Perry goes everyday." Candace snorted, "And how exactly are you going to do that? Never mind, I don't want to know, and I don't care. Jeremy and I are going to finish our date in the park, then we'll get engaged, get married, and have two kids, Xavier and Amanda. You will _not_ mess this up for me. If you and your little scheme even come _near_ the park, I'll get you busted so fast, your heads will spin right off your shoulders!"

"Candace," Phineas said, shaking his head, "we don't scheme. That has such a negative connotation." Isabella raised her index finger to make a point, "And you do realize that's a physiological impossibility, right?" Candace narrowed her eyes and leaned in towards them.

"Just leave me and Jeremy _alone_. The park is off limits, got it?" Phineas waved to Candace's now retreating form, smiling, "Sure thing, Candace! Say 'hi' to Jeremy for us! Okay, guys, let's get to it."

_(One montage later)_

"Well, that should do it." Phineas, Isabella, and Ferb stood around a small, blue device that was almost reminiscent of the old Game Boy systems. Isabella cocked her head to the side, "What does it do?" Phineas picked it up and handed it off to Ferb.

"It's a Platy-Tracker. All we do is insert some of Perry's DNA in the slot at the bottom, and it will tell us where he is in the city."

"Where are we going to get platypus DNA?" Phineas brought his fingers to his shirt and plucked off a teal platypus hair, "It's a good thing we got rid of those lint rollers, or else we'd be stuck for what to do next."

Ferb took the hair from Phineas and inserted it into the device. After a few seconds of loading, a map of Danville popped up on the screen with a tiny, moving blue dot that could only be their missing monotreme. Phineas grinned.

"Well guys, let's head out."

OOOOOOO

Dr. Doofenshmirtz had been at the Corner Café (located on the corner of the street appropriately enough) all day in search of someone who would be a suitable hostage. So far, it wasn't working out. No one seemed particularly innocent enough.

Anyone that did, was either in a large group, in a stroller, or seemed like they could take him in a fight, which was basically anyone who wasn't platypus sized. What could he say? He didn't have a lot of human to human combat experience. Even the people who were platypus sized seemed like too much of a challenge.

He drank his fifth decaf coffee that day. This was tiring work. Maybe he should have built some kind –inator to find the perfect candidate. Then again, he did like the biscuits they sold here. They were just so delicious! Suddenly, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and was suddenly face to face with none other than his nemesis.

"Perry the Platypus! What a surprise. And by surprise I mean… surprise. Wow, I'm saying surprise a lot right now. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Ugh, I feel like a broken record. Anyway, what are you doing here, Perry the Platypus?" Perry just blinked at him and pointed to the people he had been previously watching.

"Oh, I uh, don't know what you're talking about. I'm just people watching. People do that. La di da, just sitting here, drinking coffee, watching people. This is the life." He took another sip of his drink, but he was bursting to tell his nemesis his plans. It was what he did. Trap the platypus, tell him the evil plan, etc. The only reason he wasn't telling him was because Vanessa had said that he had to wait to tell the agent his plan for it to work. It made sense. If he told him the plan, he would get thwarted before he could even pick out a prime hostage. And she said she wasn't evil.

Perry crossed his arms and tapped his foot. He could tell the scientist was lying. He was talking way too much, even for him. After a few minutes of staring, Doofenshmirtz finally waved Perry away.

"You can go now, Perry the Platypus. No evil for today." Perry was still very skeptical, but he started walking off. He would let Doofenshmirtz think he was off the hook, but Perry would keep an eye on him just in case he tried to pull something. He made sure Doofenshmirtz saw him turn the corner, then backtracked and hid away behind a fire hydrant a few feet from Doof's table. Now to play the waiting game.

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><p><strong>Desirae: Okay, I'll give you the last line just because it's funny.<strong>

**Olivia: How so?**

**Desirae: You don't see the irony that Perry's playing the waiting game? That the readers will be doing the same thing? Hence, the last line applies to them too?**

**Olivia: Huh. Did not see that.**

**Desirae: ... You wrote it.**

**Olivia: Um... okay.**

**Desirae: *sigh* Just review so this person will be too busy to annoy me with her... Olivia-ness.**

**Olivia: Sorry, I really didn't notice!**

**Desirae: No, just, no.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Desirae: Okay people, Olivia couldn't be here to post this story like she planned to do _yesterday _because she's busy baking a cake or something, I really don't know. Anyway, long story short, I'm posting tonight. Thanks to the people who reviewed, **NattyMc, Radar180, Randomchick16, PhoenixWormwood137, Courtney, Kelly of the midnight dawn, DisneyChannelLover, **and **DarkChao1663**. I'm sure Liv appreciated all of them. She likes that kind of thing. Now, on with the fan fiction. By the way Kelly, I'm mean because it's fun ;)**

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><p>"Well this is pretty peculiar," Phineas said as he, Ferb and Isabella stared at the screen, "It says Perry's outside this café, but I don't see him anywhere, do you two?" Ferb shook his head. Isabella looked around at the tiny tables where a lone pharmacist sat staring at them, random potted plants, and the fire hydrant. But there was no Perry.<p>

"Nope. I don't see him. Maybe be should try calling him." Phineas looked up from the Platy-Tracker in Ferb's hands and nodded.

"Yea, great idea Isabella." He stepped forward and brought his hands to his mouth to act as a makeshift amplifier, "Perry! Perry!"

"Ah, excuse me."

Phineas stopped what he was doing and he and the other two turned to look at the speaker, the pharmacist. Phineas smiled and waved at the man.

"Hi, can we help you?" The pharmacist shook his head.

"No, no, I just heard you're looking for someone named Perry?"

"Yea, he's our pet platypus." The pharmacist raised his eyebrows and his face lit up with what was probably an idea.

"You know, it's funny. I know a Perry the Platypus. Weird, huh? Does your Perry have a little secret agent hat?" Phineas laughed and shook his head.

"No, he's just a platypus. He doesn't do much. Besides, our Perry is just Perry. We don't add the 'the Platypus' part."

"Interesting…"

"Grgrgrgrgr."

Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and the pharmacist looked at the ground to see none other than the missing monotreme walk on all fours between the two speakers.

"Oh, there you are Perry." Phineas said as he bent over and picked him up, "We knew you were around here somewhere." The pharmacist leaned forward and squinted at Perry like he was trying to figure something out. The platypus blinked his unfocused eyes as the pharmacist continued to squint.

"This platypus…" he began slowly, "Is absolutely adorable! Look at his cute little platypus feet. They're so… little and… cute and… feet-y. Oh, I just love them! His eyes are pretty vacant though aren't they?" Phineas nodded.

"Yes, yes they are. Well, we should be going now. Ferb and I need to get home. Our Mom's probably got snacks ready." The pharmacist nodded.

"Of course, of course, snacks are serious business. I understand, especially if it's almond brittle. Love it! Anyway, so long Ferb aaaaaannnd…"

"Oh, that's right. I guess we forgot to introduce ourselves. I'm Phineas, this is our friend, Isabella, and my brother, Ferb." Isabella smiled clasped her hands together.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. My friends call me…"

"Dr. D?" Phineas guessed. Dr. Doofenshmirtz blinked then nodded.

"Sure, why not? Dr. D, it's catchy. I like it. Though, it feels like I've heard that name somewhere before. Maybe someone called me that back in Druelselstein, or in a clip show or something." Phineas traded Perry with the Platy-Tracker Ferb was holding so he could have a hand free to give Dr. Doofenshmirtz a handshake.

"I'm glad you like it. Well, it was nice to meet you Dr. D," he took his hand back and waved as he and Isabella started walking homeward, "See ya around!" Isabella waved back as well.

"Bye Dr. D! Have a good day!" Ferb blinked then gently took one of Perry's paws and made him wave goodbye before following the other two. Dr. Doofenshmirtz waved to the retreating children.

"Bye fellas! And, um, fellette? Is that even a word? I don't even know. Do you guys- oh, they're gone. Huh. Nice kids, nice platypus." He drummed his finger on the table for a few seconds before something came to him.

"Wait a minute! Those kids are innocent, trusting, naïve when it comes to meeting strangers… they'd make perfect hostages! And those boys have a pet platypus named Perry, so maybe, just maybe, platypuses naturally like them. Or Perrys like them. Or maybe platypuses named Perry. If any of that is true, Perry the Platypus would be helpless to stop me in my schemes if I had even one of them." He rose in his chair and extended his hand to the sky, "To Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!"

"Uh, sir?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz turned around to see an annoyed, gum-chewing brunette waitress standing behind him with her arms crossed, "You've been sitting outside here all day and you've scared away all our customers. If you don't leave now, I'm calling the manager." Dr. Doofenshmirtz waved a hand.

"Yea, yea, I'm going. I already got what I needed anyway." The waitress raised her eyebrows before rolling her eyes and walking back to man the cash register.

"Weirdo."

OOOOOOO

Perry gave a silent sigh of relief. He couldn't have gotten his owners away from his nemesis fast enough. As soon as he heard them call his name, he felt the need to get them away from here. Sure, the possibility of Doofenshmirtz doing anything in a public place was slim to none, it just wasn't his style. Usually.

But something inside was telling him that he needed to get his owners back home where it was safe. It was probably just the fact that they had been talking about him. If Doofenshmirtz had managed to put two and two together and realized he was Agent P, or "Perry the Platypus" as he put it, he'd have to be relocated away from his family, not to mention the fact that they would be in serious danger.

Sure, Doofenshmirtz wouldn't have hurt them as random children on the street, but as his nemesis' owners… Perry suppressed a shudder. He was suddenly pulled out of his reverie when they stopped in front of the Flynn-Fletcher house.

"Well, Phineas," Isabella said, "This was fun. Though, I guess I was expecting something a little more exciting from the pet of Phineas Flynn." Phineas shrugged.

"Well, he is a platypus." Isabella giggled.

"Yea, they don't do much. Oh well, I still had fun. I'd stay longer, but I've got to get ready for the Fireside Girl sleepover camping trip. See you guys in three days! Thanks again for the galaxy, Phineas. I'll keep it on me for luck." Phineas waved after her smiling.

"See you later, Isabella! Hope it brings you luck!" He turned back to Ferb, "Wow, it's gonna be weird not seeing her for a few days." The boys stood in silence for a couple seconds before Phineas clapped his hands.

"Okay Ferb, let's go inside. I know a certain silent animal that's probably near starving by now." Ferb's stomach growled and Phineas laughed.

"Not exactly the silent animal I was talking about, but I guess that still fits. Mom's usually got snacks ready right about now." Once inside, Ferb set Perry down by his bowl while Phineas scooped some platypus food into it. A few minutes later, the boys sat at the table eating their summer pudding when Candace burst into the kitchen.

"Okay, what are you boys up to?" Phineas and Ferb looked at each other, then up at their sister. Phineas shrugged.

"Right now we're just enjoying-" Candace slammed her hands on the table.

"Don't give me that! You were doing something before I left and I gotta know what it was. You guys need to be busted. Busted I say!" Ferb looked up at her.

"Well, we did track down Perry." Candace stomped her foot and pointed at them with and air of triumph.

"AHA! I've got- wait, that's it? Come on, that can't be it! I know you guys did something while I was out. I couldn't even focus on Jeremy because of you and your… doing something-ness. I don't understand how you can ruin my date without even being there with the something you did." Linda walked over to her daughter and patted her back.

"Oh Candace, leave your brother's alone. Here, join them for a snack. I have to go fold towels." As Linda left them room, Candace spun around to the now empty doorway.

"You know I can't leave them alone AND join them for snacks at the same time!" She turned back to her brothers, "Okay, so what did you really do today?"

"Ferb told you, we tracked Perry to a café downtown. We built this Platy-Tracker to find him by locking onto his DNA signature and-" Candace waved her hand.

"Yea, yea, yea, where is this so called 'Platy-Tracker'?" Phineas pointed to the device on the table next to their plates.

"Well, it's right there. We figured you would have seen it. Mom did, she said it was cool." Candace picked up the Platy-Tracker and turned it over in her hands.

"It looks like a video game." Phineas nodded.

"Yea, we designed it to be portable and easy to program. As a result, it's pretty videogame like in appearance." Candace looked down at the device again, then up at the boys and smiled her usual crazed smile.

"You guys are so busted." She ran from the room giggling like a maniac. Phineas glanced at Ferb, who crossed his eyes and twirled his finger beside his head, the standard sign for 'crazy'. Phineas snickered.

OOOOOOO

"MOM! MOM! MOM!" Candace ran into the living room where Linda was folding laundry. Linda looked up from her work and at her daughter.

"Candace! Candace! Candace! What seems to be the issue this time?" Candace threw the Platy-Tracker down on the table and dramatically gestured to it, looking back at her mom expectantly. Linda looked at the device, and then turned back to Candace with an attitude of skepticism.

"You know, Candace, if you want a videogame system like the boys, you should really use your words." Candace clenched her fists and thrust them toward the ground with impatience.

"No! No, Mom, it's not a videogame. It's a DNA tracking system thingy! Phineas and Ferb built it to see where Perry goes everyday. Look, look, look, I'll show you!" She turned back to pick up the device, only to see it vanished. At this, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Linda rolled her eyes.

"I'll admit, that's pretty weird, but it's no reason to scream."

OOOOOOO

Perry carried the Platy-Tracker away in his bill. He couldn't risk being seen again and this thing was definitely a threat to his secret. Today had been too close a call for comfort.

He walked over to the stairs and nudged the top of the bottom step open so he could drop the device into it for storage. He'd find a place for it in his lair in a little while. For now, he had a food bowl to get back to. He was pretty hungry after all. How well his owners knew him.

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><p><strong>Desirae: Wow, thought something exciting would happen. I really hate filler. Oh well, not my problem. Maybe the next chapter will be better.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Olivia: Okay, so since Des took it upon herself to upload the previous chapter, I didn't get to give my input.**

**Desirae: Your fault for leaving me alone with your laptop when I was bored.**

**Olivia: Yea thanks for that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter and I just want to thank the people who reviewed, **PhoenixWormwood137 **(Thanks, I tried to make it seem that way :D)**, Radar180, PhineasAndFerbFan114** (that part was actually inspired by my own little brother)**, thewolfstar, **and, of course, **Kelly of the midnight dawn**, with a special thanks to **Loonacticslover13** who reviewed chapters 1,2, and 3. And now without further adieu, the fourth instalment of Hostage Situation!**

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><p>"So Dad, how are you going to find these children?" Norm asked as he swept dust and dirt under the rug. Dr. Doofenshmirtz was putting the final touches on his invention with an evil smirk on his face. He stopped and turned to the squirrel powered robot.<p>

"I am not your father, Norm. I am tired of repeating myself. Anyway, in answer to your question, I can't wander around the streets trying to find these children because apparently that's 'creepy'. So, I'm going to use this invention to locate them for me." He stepped back and threw his arms out before his contraption.

"BEHOLD! The Hostage-Locate-Inator!" It was a large computer screen with a gigantic control panel underneath. Off to the side, was a helmet-headset combo, connected to the screen with an extension cord.

"You see, what I do is I put the helmet on and say the names of the person or people I want to find. Then, the computer runs through the addresses of people who have that name based on Danville's most recent census, and the prime candidates pop up on the screen. So in short, I say the name, addresses are found, and I search through and find the right place. You know it's a shame secret organizations aren't included in the census because then I could just get to Perry through OWCA. Meh, what can you do." He placed the helmet on his head and thought for a second.

"I should probably look for those two boys instead of the girl. After all, they're the ones who have a pet platypus and they have pretty unique names. Seriously, how much of a lucky break for me is that? Alright, let's do this. Find: Phineas and Ferb." For a few seconds, nothing happened. Dr. Doofenshmirtz furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Huh, I could have sworn something was supposed to happen by now."

"Have you tried plugging it in?"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz paused and looked behind him to see the plug wasn't in the outlet. Embarrassed, he walked over to plug it back in, but was yanked back by the helmet he was still wearing and hit the floor hard. He grumbled, took off the helmet and turned to the robot.

"Not one word, Norm. Not one word."

OOOOOOO

"Okay Ferb, fire when ready." Phineas stepped back as Ferb aimed a remote with some kind of tiny satellite dish attached to the end at the ground and pressed a button. A beam of light hit the grass and numerical rating appeared on a small screen behind the dish. Ferb showed the result of the scan to Phineas.

"Huh, I guess it turns out the grass _isn't_ always greener on the other side of the fence." He turned back to Ferb smiling, "Well, that served as a good way to warm up our minds, let's decide what we're really going to do today. Hey, where's Perry?"

OOOOOOO

"Agent P, it seems Doofenshmirtz is up to something dastardly again. He bought enough materials to build a new –inator. We're not sure what it is or what it does, but we know that it's definitely a device made for evil purposes. So, go see what he's up to and put a stop to it. Good luck, Agent P."

Perry saluted the screen before dashing off to complete his mission. A jetpack ride later, he was at-

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Perry burst through the window, somersaulted, and landed in his fighting stance, but something was off. He looked around. There was the -inator, some kind of giant screen with a helmet-headset attached to it, but where was his nemesis?

He heard his wrist-communicator beep. He brought it up into his field of vision to see Major Monogram's face on the display.

"Agent P, it seems Dr. Doofenshmirtz isn't at his headquarters, but I uh, guess you already figured that out. It seems that he hasn't been there for the past forty five minutes to an hour, but we failed to notice this because a certain rookie got some wires crossed." Somewhere off screen, Carl spoke.

"Sir, I already said I was sorry. When will you stop calling me a rookie?" Monogram turned to face the intern and replied with a stern tone.

"When you stop making rookie mistakes! Anyway, until we can locate his position, destroy the –inator and see if you can find some clue as to what his intentions are." Perry saluted and set out to do his job, despite the growing sense of foreboding he felt.

OOOOOOO

Dr. Doofenshmirtz laughed as he and Norm in his car form pulled up to the house. Soon his plan would come to fruition. He stepped down and walked onto the property.

"Good luck, Dad!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz groaned and turned back to face Norm.

"Norm, I am NOT the father… of you. Wow, I really need to cut back on the daytime television, it's starting to mess with my head. Okay, I'll be right back." He made his way up the walkway and knocked on the front door. A teenage girl answered, who was semi-distracted by her cell phone.

"Yea, Stacy, just hold on a second," she looked Dr. Doofenshmirtz up and down before deadpanning, "Can I help you?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz smiled, trying to appear friendly.

"Yes, I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I'm looking for Phineas and Ferb. Are they home?" The red head rolled her eyes and motioned to the backyard.

"Back there, and could you tell them to keep it down for the rest of the day? I have important things I need to get done and I don't need to be distracted by them," she put the phone back to her ear and began talking animatedly again.

"Yea, Stacy I'm back. Anyway, I was all like, uh huh, and then she was like, whatever, and then –" Doofenshmirtz didn't get to hear what happened next because the door slammed in his face.

"Huh, well that was rather rude. Ah well, time to execute my scheme." He headed off to the backyard to see the boys.

OOOOOOO

"That's a good point, Ferb. I never thought about it that way before." Phineas turned to see someone approaching him and Ferb, "Oh, hey Dr. D! What are you doing here?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz approached the boys and waved.

"Hey fellas! I was just in the neighbourhood and I thought I'd just come and stop by. So, whatcha doin'?"

OOOOOOO

Isabella sat bolt upright on her bus seat and looked around. She felt a disturbance, almost like…

"Okay, who asked my question?" The rest of the Fireside Girls looked around at each other before Adyson slowly raised her hand. Isabella crossed her arms.

"First you start making up patch names, now you steal my catchphrase. You're skating on thin ice, Adyson."

OOOOOOO

Phineas shrugged, "Well, right now we're trying to figure out what to do today. So far, we're at a loss." Dr. Doofenshmirtz lit up as though he had a plan, or an idea.

"I know what you can do. You can help me with a little, ah what do the kids call it today, a little project of mine. Are you boys up for it?" Phineas smiled broadly at the prospect of a new project.

"Yea we could definitely help! What kind of project is it?" Doofenshmirtz rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, here's the awkward part, would you be willing to be taken hostage for the purpose of keeping a secret agent in a fedora from thwarting my evil schemes?" The brothers looked at each other then at Doofenshmirtz. After a brief pause, Phineas burst out laughing.

"Dr. D, that's too funny! You really have a great sense of humour." Doofenshmirtz laughed along with him.

"Yea, I know I do. But seriously, would you be my hostages?"

"Oh, you were serious? In that case, Ferb and I will have to say no."

"Hmm, I was afraid you would say that. Luckily, I came prepared. BEHOLD! The Knock-Out-Inator!" He took out a small button with an antenna pointed at the boys and pressed it. As soon as he did this, the boys dropped to the ground, unconscious.

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><p><strong>Olivia: Dun dun duhhhhh!<strong>

**Desirae: Well, the question in the summary was answered. Thank goodness, I can finally stop wondering.**

**Olivia: I can do without the sarcasm.**

**Desirae: Until next time...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Olivia: Sorry! I meant to update this earlier, but I didn't know whether to split this up into two chapters or not.**

**Desirae: Also she's been lazy.**

**Olivia: Not lazy, busy with life. Anyway, thanks to **Randomchick16, Radar 180, NattyMc, PhineasAndFerbFan114, Kelly of the midnight dawn, thewolfstar, Akozu Heiwa, Angel-of-Energy, Christian A, **and **Xx blackflowerblossom xX** for their awesome reviews. I appreciate each and every one of them because each and every one of them makes me smile :)**

**Desirae: Now on to the fic.**

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><p>Candace lay across her bed, her legs hanging off one side, her head over the other and her phone glued to her ear.<p>

"Anyway Stacy, now I don't know what to do. I made a total moron of myself at the park yesterday looking around for my brothers' thing-a-ma-jigger, and now Jeremy thinks I'm crazy because it wasn't even there." Stacy's voice could be heard on the other end of the line.

"Honestly Candace, I think you're overreacting. Jeremy knows how you are with your brothers. If he doesn't think you're crazy by now, I don't think he ever will."

"I don't know whether to find that comforting or insulting."

"It wasn't meant to be an insult."

"Oh, okay then," Candace sat straight up and crossed her legs, "But what if he does? I mean, I knocked over an ice cream vender because I thought I saw Phineas flipping a tree upside down. It turned out to be a little kid buying the ice cream."

"How does that even work?"

"I don't even know. Speaking of which, I haven't heard from the boys in over an hour. What are they up to?"

"Candace, isn't this part of your problem? You get over-obsessed with what the boys are doing and it ruins your social life. Why don't you just try forgetting about the boys for a day?"

"Stacy, now you're just talking crazy. You don't seem to get it. I have to bust the boys. It's my sole mission in life, apart from my future with Jeremy, to make sure the boys go down, way down, downtown. Seriously, they're going down."

"It's the opposite of up." Candace rolled her eyes.

"Really, Stacy?"

"What? I was adding to your idea. It's how you move conversation forward."

"Yea, I'll call you back as soon as I find out what they're doing, or not doing, or something." Candace hung up her phone and jumped over to open the window.

"What are you boys-" She looked down and saw nothing but an empty backyard. Funny, she could have sworn they were back there a minute ago. Upon closer inspection, she noticed a white slip of paper under the tree. Within seconds, she was in the backyard.

"What's this?" She thought as she looked at the paper more closely. There were letters and words from magazines all glued onto it. Weird, but then again, so were her brothers.

"'Dear sister, we have gone to see our friend Isabella and don't know when we'll be back. So don't come looking for them, I mean us. Signed, Phineas and Ferb.' Huh, now that's weird, even for them. I wonder-" Just then her cell phone rang and her face lit up when she saw who was calling.

"Oh hey, Jeremy! I'm so glad you called! Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday, I don't know what came over me." The letter fell back down to the ground, completely forgotten.

OOOOOOO

After scanning and destroying the unknown –inator, Perry began searching through Dr. Doofenshmirtz's things, trying to find something that could tell him what the scientist's plan was or where he could have gone.

This was the first time he hadn't been here when Perry arrived and he couldn't help but feel like it was because something wasn't right. He shook his head. It was silly, but at the same time, it seemed like the most irrefutable fact he knew. Something bad was going to happen.

After a few minutes, he found a scrap piece of paper with the words "Not Some Kind of a Food" on it. What on earth could that mean? He resumed his search. Another few minutes passed before he heard his watch beep again and Major Monogram appeared on the face.

"Agent P, we've located Dr. Doofenshmirtz. He's out grocery shopping for some reason. That reason, probably being that he's out of food, is a sign that he's not up to anything at all today. So I guess your work there is done. Have fun and take the rest of the day off."

Perry saluted but he wasn't about to go home. He had just searched Doofenshmirtz's apartment and his fridge, which he searched through partly to be thorough and partly because he was hungry, had been fully stocked. Something wasn't sitting right with him.

He ran toward the window and hang glided to the one grocer he knew Doofenshmirtz shopped at. He swooped down, collapsed the glider, and met his nemesis at the exit.

"Perry the Platypus! What, is it time for you already?" Perry crossed his arm and tapped his foot.

"What? Oh, you want to know what I was up to. Well, it's nothing that really concerns you at the moment. I just, um, picked up a couple things that could help me stand a fighting chance against you." Perry looked at the bag Doofenshmirtz was carrying but as far as he could see was the tip of a couple boxes of children's cereal. He could tell because they looked similar to the stuff he saw in his cupboard back home and the only people that ate that was Phineas, Ferb and sometimes Candace. He pointed to the bag and Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes.

"I know this just looks like ordinary breakfast cereal, but you're just seeing it out of context. You see, Perry the Platypus, these boxes of Fruity Rainbow Flakes is the fuel to my plan to stop you in your tracks! Which would have started earlier today but, unfortunately I seem to be a bit behind schedule.

"Here I'll tell you what, you go back to your little organization or wherever it is you go after you've thwarted me, and then when I'm back on track, I'll call and tell you when I'm ready. Okay? Okay. Curse you- I mean, Goodbye, Perry the Platypus."

Perry watched as Doofenshmirtz climbed into his car, or Norm as a car, and drove off. Perry was about to follow him when his watch beeped again. He checked it to see Major Monogram yet again. This must be a new record for the amount of times he called in one day.

"Agent P, report back to the agency at once! It's an emergency! There's a spider on the doorknob out of the camera room. Carl and I can't get out!" Perry sighed in frustration. Would those two ever get over their fear of Agent A?

OOOOOOO

"Phew, that was close, eh Norm? I thought he'd be on to us for sure. It was smart to drop the boys off before we went shopping."

"I told you it was a good idea. I'm just glad you listened to me."

"What are you talking about? It was my idea! I said we needed to hide them somewhere."

"No you didn't, I did. I wish you would give me the credit I deserve."

"Sheesh, I already gave you credit for the Knock-Out-Inator, even though you suggested a knock out ray, which by the way is _completely_ different from an -inator. I'm just surprised that you know, it actually worked. I would have just pushed them into the trunk or something, but this made it much easier. You know, I bet _that's_ what really put me off schedule. I needed extra time to build the second –inator."

"Or it could have been the fact that you insisted on leaving a note made up of magazine clippings. I still don't see why you couldn't just type it out at home then print it out."

"Do you know how expensive printer ink is? Seriously, it's highway robbery! Like it really takes that much money to make it. Octopuses make it for FREE for goodness sake. Price markups, they really give corporations a bad name. Maybe I could make some kind of -inator to get rid of ink corporations. Ooh, I know what scheme we're going to do next! Oh look, we're here now. Let's go wake up our guests."

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><p><strong>Desirae: Agent A?<strong>

**Olivia: Agent Aggie the Arachnid.**

**Desirae: Is that even a real agent?**

**Olivia: No I made her up.**

**Desirae: Right... on another note, no Phineas and Ferb this chapter?**

**Olivia: They were in the next part of the chapter. I decided I needed to edit it more.**

**Desirae: Okay then. So people, feel free to review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Olivia: Hey everybody! Sorry for the late upload, but I've had a lot on my plate in the past little bit. Nothing serious, just life craziness. Anywho, I'd like to thank all my reviewers: **Radar180, Anele1996, Kelly of the midnight dawn, PhoenixWormwood137, NattyMc, thewolfstar, Christian A, DarkChao1663, **and **DarkHeartInTheSky **for reviewing chapter 5, as well as** Violaplayer12** for reviewing chapter 1 and **Warriorfac335** for reviewing chapter 3. I love an appreciate all my reviews :)**

**Still Olivia: Anyway, here are Phineas and Ferb as promised! I don't own the show or characters, but that goes without saying. I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Phineas woke up in close to total darkness. He couldn't see more than five feet in front of him, not that he could register much anyway. His head was pounding. He pushed himself up and stretched his arms out. His hand hit a metal bar. He ran his hand along and felt more bars, the kind in a jail or a cage.<p>

That's when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He gasped, jumped and spun around, coming face to face with his brother. Phineas sighed in relief and smiled.

"Whoa, you really scared me there, Ferb. Say, do you know where we are or how we got here?" Just then, the lights flicked on and the boys had to squeeze their eyes shut because of the overwhelming brightness.

"I can answer that for you." They turned around to see none other than Dr. Doofenshmirtz walking down a metal staircase on the opposite side of what they now knew was a small room with hardwood floors, a desk off to the side and really outdated wallpaper. Inside the cage itself, there was a small pile of toys and what seemed to be two large cushions from a couch. Dr. Doofenshmirtz smiled happily as he set a bag down on the ground.

"Hey, that was almost perfect timing. You know, I've always seen that in movies and thought, wow, that is totally unrealistic how the person just walks in at just the perfect time and says something cool that fits what was previously being talked about, but it's so awesome when it happens to you. Anyway, I suppose you're wondering why you're here." Phineas thought for a second then remembered.

"Oh yea, you were saying how you needed hostages to keep a secret agent from ruining your plans." Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked crestfallen that he couldn't explain his evil scheme as he had no doubt rehearsed over and over again.

"The word was thwarting, not ruining. Get your facts straight. Now, I need to explain a few more things to you before we can go on with the rest of this scheme. You see the cage you're in? Well, it may look like just an ordinary giant cage with a door and lock, and that's because it is. But _attached_ to the cage, see right here beside the door off to the left, is a self destruct box, which I can detonate with this button and blow the cage across the entire Tri-State Area!" He pulled a metal rectangle with a large red button on it out of his pocket.

"Also, you can detonate it if you try to pick the lock, you see cause it's wired through here. Well, no, I guess you can't see because the wires are in the bars and such. So there's no escape! Pretty impressive, right?" Phineas nodded and laughed nervously.

"Uh, yes, yes it is. Wow, you, eh heh, you really know how to trap people." Dr. Doofenshmirtz shrugged his shoulders.

"Meh, I've had enough time to practice with my nemesis. I trap him all the time, but he always has some kind of trick or gadget to get himself out. You boys don't have any tricks or gadgets, do you?"

"Well Ferb has been practicing his magic act." Ferb pulled out a deck of cards, showed them to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, and made them disappear in his hand. Then he snapped his fingers and reached behind Phineas' ear and pulled out a toy rabbit with the ace of hearts in it's paws. Dr. Doofenshmirtz gasped and pointed.

"Hey, that was my card!" Ferb snapped his fingers again and the rabbit vanished in a puff of smoke and appeared back in the pile of toys in a second puff of smoke. He bowed as Dr. Doofenshmirtz clapped. Phineas nodded and shrugged.

"Other than that, I don't think we have any tricks that can get us out of here. And even if we did, why would we tell you?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz paused and thought for a second.

"I suppose you have a point. Meh, I'll take my chances. You're just two kids, what could you possibly do? Okay, well now that we've gotten past that awkward getting-to-know-each-other-and-learn-my-scheme part, I took the liberty of getting you these." He reached into the bag, pulled out a couple boxes and slid them through the bars to the boys.

"Here, delicious, sugar encrusted cereal. Now, I thought it looked a little girly in the store but the box says 'Number One Kids Favourite' on it. So I thought, why not? You need to eat, right? Right. Oh and you'll notice there in the corner there are an assortment of toys. Let's see, there's marbles, a broomstick horse, a couple spinning tops, that little toy rabbit you found, and a cute cuddly teddy bear. So, yea. Enjoy!" There was a silence as the two parties stared at each other. Dr. Doofenshmirtz rubbed the back of his neck.

"We're not past the awkward part are we?" Phineas shook his head.

"Not until you disable the self destruct box and set us free, and even then it would still be kind of awkward." Dr. Doofenshmirtz blinked then turned around, making his way to the stairs.

"I think I like it better when the trapped keep their traps shut. That way they can't talk back like that. Well boys, see ya later! I've got some evil scientist things I have to take care of." Phineas held up his hands.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up! You're an evil scientist? Oh, now that makes much more sense. I was wondering why a pharmacist would do something like this." Dr. Doofenshmirtz stopped walking and laughed.

"Yea, people get confused by the lab coat."

"So, uh, I'm guessing you're into that whole 'take over the world' bit. How's that working out for you?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz leaned on the railing casually.

"Actually right now it's just the Tri-State Area, but- wait, don't distract me! I'm not letting you out till I've thwarted my nemesis' plan to thwart me. So nice try! Now, I've got important evil related things to get back to, so I'll see you boys later. Doof is out!" He slammed and locked the door behind him, leaving the boys alone. Phineas turned to Ferb quickly.

"Well, we may not have any _tricks_ that could get us out of here, but do we have any gadgets?" Ferb thought for a second, then reached into his pockets and fished out a pack of regular gum, a screwdriver, the pack of cards, a few paper clips, and a handkerchief. Phineas scratched his head.

"Hmm, not a lot to work with, and neither one of us seems to have our phones. Well Ferb, I know what we're going to do today."

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><p><strong>Desirae: You started without me?<strong>

**Olivia: Sorry, but I wanted to post this now.**

**Desirae: Whatever... wait, am I reading this right? They do a magic trick? I don't see how that fits. I mean, they were just kidnapped, so why would they do a magic trick? And they're taking this whole thing pretty lightly too.**

**Olivia: I don't think so. When they were on board Mitch's ship in _The Chronicles of Meap_ they took the whole prisoner thing surprisingly well. As for the magic trick, I liked that part and I didn't want to delete it.**

**Desirae: Well, yea, but Mitch didn't threaten to blow them up. And that's pretty well thought out of Doof isn't it? He doesn't always plan ahead well.**

**Olivia: Oh, go to the mall Des! **

**Desirae: ...**

**Olivia: ... sorry.**

**Desirae: ... I don't even know how to react to that. Anyway, please review people!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Desirae: *eating an icecream***

**Olivia: Where did you get that?**

**Desirae: I went to the mall. I also picked up a giant chocolate chip cookie and an inflatable mallet. **

**Olivia: For me?**

**Desirae: No! For Kelly. **

**Olivia: Of course. Anyway, Happy Holidays everyone! I know it's a little late for holiday wishes, but better late than never.**

**Desirae: Yea okay, get along with the story.**

**Olivia: Okay, anyway thanks to all those who reviewed: **thewolfstar, Kelly of the midnight dawn, NattyMc, veryloyalfan, WordNerb93, Radar 180, DarkHeartInTheSky, When In Doubt Rock It Out, PhineasAndFerbFan114, MuchuFox, John Smith, TheCuriousWriter **(:D)**, DarkChao1663, **and ** Fletcher-inator!** I love getting reviews, I always get so excited when I see people review :)**

**Desirae: Yep, now here is the latest chapter.**

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><p>When Perry finally got home, he was exhausted and couldn't wait to see his family. Sometimes he wished he wasn't an agent, just so he could spend all day with them like a normal pet. He wouldn't have to feel guilty about sneaking away all the time and keeping secrets, and there wouldn't be the constant threat of being relocated. The one hitch was he loved his job. As dangerous as it could be, and as much as it robbed him of time with the people he loved, he really enjoyed being out in the field.<p>

He assumed pet mode and walked into the living room, where a bored Candace sat watching TV with her feet up on the coffee table. He chattered to let her know he was back. Candace glanced down then her gaze returned back to the screen.

"Oh, there you are Perry," she said dully, "At least you're here. Jeremy had to work and Stacy is hanging out with Jenny at some weird peace protest or whatever. How lame is that? I mean really, what have the whales ever done for me? Or maybe it was the trees? Oh, and on top of that, the boys aren't in the backyard so I can't even bust them! Now, I have nothing better to do than to discuss my boredom with a platypus."

Perry blinked his unfocused eyes slowly and Candace rolled her own, "You probably don't even know what I'm talking about do you? I don't think I'll ever understand why the boys think you're so amazing." Linda walked into the room and shook her head.

"Oh Candace, stop being mean to Perry. You'll hurt his feelings." Candace rolled her eyes.

"Yea, because he's getting pretty emotional right now."

"Just because he doesn't show it, doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. Anyway, Candace, do you know where the boys are? I tried calling their phones, but they were in their rooms. They're always home for snacks, so I was hoping to see them before I go to pick up your father from Marshtown. You'd think that he would know to leave himself enough money for a bus home, but you know how forgetful he can be." Candace waved her hand.

"Oh, the boys left a note saying they went to go visit one of their friends. They've been gone a couple hours now."

"Oh, okay, at least they left a note. Well, until I get back, you're in charge." Candace perked up.

"Wait, by 'in charge' you mean I'm completely in charge? Like, I can tell the boys to say, I don't know, go to bed and don't do anything for the rest of the day?"

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say you should do that, but technically, I guess you could." Candace fist pumped the air while a smile.

"Yes! That means I can relax for the rest of the day. You know, once they get home." Linda rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse before opening the door.

"Okay, Candace, I'm going to head out now. I'll be home in a few hours, but in case I take longer, make sure the boys are home before the streetlights come on. Oh, and no boys over, is that clear? You can invite Stacey, but that's all." Candace nodded enthusiastically. And started pushing her mom out the door.

"No worries Mom! I can have the boys home by then, and I won't have any guys over. Take your time getting back! I'll miss you."

"Okay, bye Can-" Candace closed the door behind her mother and immediately pulled out her phone.

"Oh my gosh! Stacy, I— well put down the sign if it's too heavy to hold with one hand… Well that's what you get for going to a lame protest for whales…. Trees?... Well then, what _are_ you protesting?"

While all this was going on, Perry felt the same feeling of foreboding he had felt earlier. Why was he feeling that here? Did that mean it had nothing to do with Doofenshmirtz? No, he decided. This definitely has something to do with Doofenshmirtz. Perry could feel it.

He leapt up onto the couch, dropping his pet façade, and opened the passageway into his lair. He slipped through the passageway just before Candace came back into the room on her phone.

Perry fell into his chair and put on his hat, then pressed a button to connect him to the agency. Major Monogram and Carl appeared on the screen, Carl in his Dr. Coconut get-up, and Monogram in his Hawaiian shirt and a grass skirt. As soon as Monogram saw Perry, he motioned Carl to operate the camera and the screen then held a close up of Monogram's face.

"Oh, uh, sorry there, Agent P, Carl was just uh, just teaching me this dance he does. Ahem, anyway, what seems to be the problem?" Perry pointed to a phone on the wall and Monogram burrowed his brow in confusion.

"You want me to call you?" Perry shook his head and pressed a button on his watch. A hologram of Doofenshmirtz carrying a bag of groceries appeared and quoted what he had said earlier about calling. Monogram nodded in understanding.

"Oh I get it, you want to know if he's up to anything. Sorry, Agent P, he hasn't called yet. We'll let you know the minute he does. Okay?" Perry saluted and was about to get up, when a phone could be heard ringing. Monogram picked it up and put it to his ear.

"Hello?" A few second after he covered the mouthpiece to speak to Perry, "It's Doofenshmirtz. The minute is 5:01." He uncovered the mouthpiece and pressed a button on the phone, "Okay Dr. Doofenshmirtz, you're on speaker with me and Agent P."

"Oh, Perry the Platypus is there? Well, that's fantastic! Okay, that saves me a lot of time. Ahem, Perry the Platypus, I'm almost done with my diabolical plan, so I figured I'd call to tell you to come over. I'm even giving you a head start. Why would I do such a thing? I'll tell ya. It's to make it more humiliating when I finally defeat you, thereby, ruling over the entire Tri-State Area! Just try and stop me now!" There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke up again.

"Oh, and um, on your way over, could you pick up some milk? I forgot it when I went to the store, and I really don't want to have to go back because the lady at the checkout will recognize me and think 'wow, that guy was here earlier, why didn't he get the milk then?' and you know I really don't want to have to deal with the embarrassment." Monogram and Perry exchanged a glance before Monogram spoke.

"Well, you heard him, Agent P. Get to it." Perry saluted and took his hover jet out of his lair, leaving Monogram on the phone with Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

"Wait, is Perry the Platypus going to get me the milk or not, because I—" Major Monogram hung up the phone and turned off screen to face his unpaid intern.

"Okay, Carl, teach me that dance one more time. I think I've almost got it."

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><p><strong>Desirae: Carl teaching Monogram how to do the Dr. Coconut dance. I heard pigs could fly but now I've seen everything!<strong>

**Olivia: What? But how does that even make sense?**

**Desirae: It doesn't have to, I got a monster truck!**

**Olivia: Huh? Wha- Des, give my cousin his truck back. You're too old to play with that stuff.**

**Desirae: Says the pot to the kettle. Fine! Which one is he again? **

**Olivia: The one who's holding his hands out for the remote.**

**Desirae: Oh, okay. Here kid. *gives truck remote back***

**Cousin: Vrrrrrrr, vrrrrrr, errrrr, BOOM! *crashes car into my cat (MREOW! HIISSSS!)* **

**Olivia: O_O**

**Desirae: Still think I'm too old to play with that stuff?**

**Olivia: Take that truck off him. Now.**

**Cousin: Here kitty, kitty, kitty! Vrrrrrrrrr, vrrrrrrrrr, vrrrrrrr...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Olivia: Hey everyone! Sorry for the long time between this post and the last. Things have just been so hectic around here, I thought I'd go insane if I didn't get at least five minutes to myself. Things are slowing down now, so updates will be a lot sooner. Now, I'd like to thank you all who reviewed: **MuchuFox, Redemerald6, WordNerb93, Radar180, NattyMc, Fletcher-inator, EvilAntauri, thewolfstar, sidlovespandf15, DarkHeartInTheSky, Pink Wildfire, Isabella012, Renee Everhart, Frodo the Second, When In Doubt Rock It Out, TheCuriousWriter, watermelonwafflesBISCUITS, **and **zealousfreak27.** Thank you all for being patient, and trust me, the next update will be within the next few days.**

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><p>Dr. Doofenshmirtz was getting impatient. He was so excited to enact his evil scheme that he was practically bouncing off the wall. He would have Perry the Platypus this time. He wouldn't be thwarted! At the same time, this nagging feeling at the back of his head kept him from fully enjoying his plan. He felt bad that the boys had to be involved like this. Who knew guilt could be so strong?<p>

Still, the way he saw it, he was giving them an emotionally scarring back story that they could use to be driven to do whatever it was kids were into these days. Who knew? Maybe when it was all over and he let them go, they would find their own nemesises to do battle with one day. Or was it nemeses? Whichever one it was, that's what they would have.

That's when Perry swung in through the window and landed in a defensive stance with his body low and his fist at the ready. Dr. Doofenshmirtz smiled broadly.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, you're right on time. Right on time to be TRAPPED!" Just then, a cage fell down on top of the platypus, thus trapping him inside. Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked over to the cage and leaned on it.

"I know, that wasn't one of my most clever lines and I've used it before, but maybe if you had brought me the milk I asked, you would have gotten a better one." Perry glanced to the floor guiltily then back up at Doofenshmirtz, who nodded.

"Yea that's right. See, I told you. It's such an easy thing to forget! Though, I guess I can't get too upset about it. I mean, I did forget about it myself, and it's as they say, 'don't cry over forgotten milk' or something like that. So, Perry the Platypus, you might be wondering, what scheme does Doof have for me today? Why does he seem more confident than usual? Why does he smell like grape soda?" He paused for a second, and then continued.

"Well, okay, the last one might not be in the top three questions, but I feel it's worth mentioning anyway. You see a certain robot shook the can when he gave it to me, so when I opened it I accidently spilled the soda, which, actually explains the purple stain here on my lab coat." Perry tapped his foot impatiently. Dr. Doofenshmirtz raised his hands in acknowledgement.

"Okay, I know, you want to get to the point. The soda's not important right now, _but this is!_" Doofenshmirtz sing-songed the last few words before pulling a sheet off his –inator; a laser on a floor mount, standing about the same height as the scientist. Doofenshmirtz threw his arms out to add emphasis to his creation.

"BEHOLD! The Anti-Ink-Corported-Inator!" Perry crossed his arms as Dr. Doofenshmirtz started on his spiel.

"You see, Perry the Platypus, the corporations that make ink sell it for so much money, that it's just too expensive to buy on a regular basis. Blah, blah, blah, octopuses make it for FREE, etc, etc. So, I came up with an ingenious plan. I will eliminate all the ink corporations and then, start a new one of my own, so I can sell ink for cheap. Then, I will drastically increase the price! With no competition, I will have enough money to buy the entire Tri-State Area! Consequently, making me, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, it's supreme leader. Not bad, eh Perry the Platypus?" Perry rolled his eyes.

"What? It's a good plan! It's all perfectly legal too, minus the getting rid of ink corporations. Though, now it occurs to me, it should probably be and Anti-Ink-Corporation-Inator instead of an Anti-Ink-Corporated-Inator because the second name sounds like I'm against places with "incorporated" in the name, which obviously I'm not because I own one. You know, 'Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated'. I've even got my own evil jingle and everything." He pressed a button on the wall and, from no discernable source, the jingle played.

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

"I know, we hear it every time you come over but I never get tired of hearing it… Okay one more time."

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

"Music to my ears! Meh, I'm lingering on the details. It's time to move on to the second part of my scheme." Just then, Dr. Doofenshmirtz got a glint in his eye that seemed to confuse the platypus a little. For Doofenshmirtz, it was a reassuring sign.

"You see, Perry the Platypus, this time I can't possibly fail! For I have come up with a way to keep you from thwarting my plans. I got the idea after you saved Vanessa from being hit by that bookshelf on my other scheme.

"Remember when you ran into me at the grocery and I had the cereal and I was all 'I've got a sure-fire way to stop you,' or something to that effect? Well, now is the time to unveil my plan. But first, I should tell you not to try to escape because that cage you're in has a self destruct box on it that will blow up the cage if you try to pick the lock. Just like THIS ONE!" He pulled a lever on the wall and the wall opposite Perry flipped to reveal a giant screen.

The image shown shocked, angered, and terrified Perry more than he ever thought he could be. All he could do was gape at the image he saw. Suddenly, he didn't feel at all guilty for not getting the milk.

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><p><strong>Olivia: Please review, the next chapter is coming up soon!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Olivia: Hey guys! Remember when I said I would post the next chapter in a few days? Well, I lied.**

**Desirae: That's a first.**

**Olivia: Are you being sarcastic?**

**Desirae: Actually, this time I'm being sincere. I'm the one that usually lies.**

**Olivia: Does this mean the very fabric of space and time is unraveling? Did we bring on the apocalypse?**

**Desirae: You just made things weird. Just post the chapter already.**

**Olivia: Okay, well, here it is! Thanks to **WordNerb93** for being the only reviewer, being that the last chapter was only posted a few hours ago because I apparently have insomnia.**

**Desirae: Or just too hopped up on caffeine and sugar to go to bed.**

**Olivia: That too.**

**Desirae: Insomniacs on caffeine. Only you, Liv. Anyway, we don't own Phineas and Ferb, and we hope you enjoy the double post.**

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><p>Perry just stood there as the black and white image on the screen cast shadows across the floor. There, in a cage just like his own except for its size, were the boys, <em>his<em> boys, sitting on what looked like oversized pillows or more likely couch cushions.

How could he be so blind to what was happening? Doofenshmirtz had been carrying the cereal the boys ate at home. He hadn't been there when Perry came to thwart him. The boys hadn't been home when Perry got back. Perry even had a sense something bad had happened, and he didn't make the connection.

If Dr. Doofenshmirtz had the boys, was it all Perry's fault? Did this mean that Doofenshmirtz had discovered his identity and targeted Phineas and Ferb to get to him? And more importantly, if his cage had a self-destruct box, then did the boys' have one too? Sure, Doof had said so, but surely he was bluffing, right? But if it was a bluff, then why hadn't his brilliant, innovative boys found some way to escape? It was at this point Perry realized he was hyperventilating.

"Wow, I didn't realize this would affect you so much." Perry turned, with his mouth still open in shock and his eyes still wide with fear, to Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who really did look surprised.

"I mean you've literally just been standing there for the past," he checked his watch briefly, "I don't know, my watch broke, but it was a long time. You've usually thwarted me by this point. I knew my reasoning was correct. If the innocent were at risk, you would be helpless to stop me. In fact, I even chose these two specifically because they were innocent _and_ had a platypus. Did you know their platypus is named 'Perry' too? I mean, what are the odds right? Two Perry the Platypuses!"

Perry furrowed his brow in confusion. So this meant Doofenshmirtz _didn't_ know his identity? Perry didn't know whether to feel relief that his cover was safe or angry that his boys were targeted when all they were guilty of was having a pet. He decided angry was more appropriate. No, not angry. What was most appropriate was burning fury that rivaled the white-hot intensity of ten thousand suns.

Clenching his fist, he felt the sudden, all consuming urge to attack his nemesis with very ounce of force he could summon. With every deeply drawn breath, he wanted to make the man suffer in ways he never thought he was capable of imagining. These thoughts, which would horrify him in any normal setting, seemed to fuel his anger and beckon him to action. If not for the cage, Doof would be as good as destroyed.

Looking for a way out, his anger escaped in the form of a low growl. It wasn't his usual angry chatter, but a threatening, feral growl. Doofenshmirtz actually backed up a few steps.

"Whoa, there buddy, I didn't know you'd get _that_ mad. Sheesh, if I didn't know better, I'd think you knew them or something." This comment brought Perry back to earth and he felt his body go lax though he still felt tense inside. Doofenshmirtz, as thick as he could be, was known to have quite a few moments of actual genius. If Perry went on like this, his cover could possibly be blown. If that happened, what kind of situation would the boys be in then? Or could their situation get any worse?

There were so many questions and anxieties going through Perry's head, he was getting a headache. He needed time to think. Despite how hard it was, and it would be hard, he needed to calm down. At the very least, he needed to clear his head so he could come up with a rescue plan. He was a secret agent, he had to act like one. All this happened only a few seconds, as Doofenshmirtz continued his rant.

"Anyway, Perry the Platypus, you stay here and don't move or I'll press this button," he pulled a red button out of his coat and set it on the table, "then the boys' cage will go kaboom! In the meantime, I've got an –inator to activate!"

As Doofenshmirtz started walking toward the machine, Perry found himself almost hoping it would work. If Doofenshmirtz won, he just might let the boys go. Doofenshmirtz may rule the Tri-State Area, but it was worth it if his owners were safe.

To Perry, Doof couldn't move fast enough. Every step seemed to take three times, thrice, as long as it should. Thankfully, though, the scientist was almost beside the –inator. Just a few more steps…

"It's muffin time, sir!" Norm came out with a muffin on a plate and a cup of coffee. Doofenshmirtz turned to the robot angrily.

"Muffin time won't make up for you shaking my soda can, Norm! Now take it away, you're ruining my dramatic moment! I was walking in slow motion and everything." The robot took a step forward.

"But Dad," he said just before he tripped over the rug and coffee fell on the Anti-Ink-Corporated-Inator's control panel, causing it to short circuit and self destruct. Dr. Doofenshmirtz brought his hands to the sides of his head in panic.

"NOOO! Not my Anti-Ink-Corporated-Inator! Curse you Norm the Squirrel-Powered Robot!"

OOOOOOO

"Well, Ferb," Phineas began with a sigh, "I don't think I can see any way around it. I guess I'll just have to give in and accept it." With an air of defeat, he laid his hand of cards down and looked back up and Ferb.

"You win this round. Okay, now let's get back to finding a way out of here," he clapped his hands together, stood up, and surveyed the room yet again.

"Let's see, we've already tried squeezing through the bars, there's nothing we can use to dig our way out or break the floorboard with, we don't have the materials for a transporter, we lack the resources to turn the bars to rubber, and a pipe bomb is far too dangerous and could possibly set off the destruct box prematurely. Of course, picking the lock is out unless we want to, you know, blow up and stuff. Hmm, you got any ideas?"

His brother shrugged and looked around the room yet again. Phineas scratched his ear and scanned the room for about the thousandth time. So far he'd learned a lot of things about it.

For example, the ceiling had exactly a hundred and seventy tiles. The desk had a bottle of hand sanitizer on the side closest to them near the wall, but the lid was missing. There was a small camera in the upper right corner of the room behind them, which Phineas assumed was there so that the secret agent Dr. Doofenshmirtz was talking about could see them. The desk had something blue just peeking out of the drawer.

"Wait," Phineas said as he looked back at the desk, "I didn't notice that before. What do you think that blue thing is?" Ferb followed Phineas' gaze and walked up to the bars to see it better. He turned back to his brother with the verdict.

"It appears to be a blueprint of some kind." Phineas snapped his fingers.

"Hey, do you think it's for the self destruct box?"

"Perhaps."

"Sweet! If they're the right blueprints, we could use them to deactivate the box safely, pick the lock, and then we'll be home free! Ferb, gum me." Ferb rolled his eyes at Phineas.

"Please."

"Wow, you're really chatty right now. I have to say, I'm impressed. But seriously though, we'll need gum."

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><p><strong>Olivia: There. Two in one night. <strong>

**Desirae: I don't get it. Why don't they just try and figure out the mechanism themselves? I mean, they've figure out some of Doof's other inventions.**

**Olivia: Because the device itself is self destruct box, not a machine that contains a self destruct feature. Would you try and disarm a bomb with no idea how it works?**

**Desirae: I guess you have a point. Say, what happened to your cat?**

**Olivia: What do you mean?**

**Desirae: Did you save it from your sociopathic cousin's truck back in whatever month it was?**

**Olivia: Oh yea, he was fine. Nothing a few treats couldn't fix.**

**Desirae: And people wonder why your cat is so fat.**

**Olivia: He is not fat! He's fluffy!**

**Desirae: Sure, whatever you say. Please review!**


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